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Taking Braden s hand tentatively, I let him pull me to my feet. What will I say? No use
pretending to be cool and collected with him now. He d already seen me at my most vulnerable.
Twice.
Nothing, he assured me. You don t need to explain yourself to anyone. His smile was kind. I
couldn t decide what smile I liked more. This one, or the wicked one from before.
Okay. I took a deep breath and followed him out. He didn t let go of my hand until we reached
the dining room, and I refused to acknowledge the bereft feeling in my chest as his touch fell away
from mine.
Are you alright, honey? Elodie asked as soon as we walked into the room.
A little bit of sun stroke. Braden waved Ellie s mom off with reassurance. She was out in the
sun too long this morning.
Oh. She turned her motherly concern on me. I hope you at least wore sun screen.
I nodded, sliding into my seat. Just forgot to wear a hat.
As their conversation picked up and the tension drained from the table, I ignored Ellie s suspicious
glances and shot Braden a grateful smile.
~6~
By the end of the dinner I was a little more relaxed, although looking forward to getting home and
being alone for a while. Determined not to be taken unaware again, I put back up that wall between
me and my memories and tried to enjoy the Nichols company. It wasn t hard. They were an easy
group to like.
My plans for being alone were foiled by Braden and Ellie who were meeting up with Adam for
drinks. I tried to get out of going with them but Ellie wasn t having it. It was like she sensed I was
going home to brood or something.
After bidding the Nichols a goodbye and promising Elodie I d be back, we headed out to grab a
cab to take us back to the apartment so I could pick up my purse. I only had my cell on me and was
determined nobody as in Braden was buying me drinks tonight, but me. The less I was in this
guy s debt the better.
As the cab drew up to the apartment, a tall, lanky figure sitting on our front stoop made my chest
tighten. Heart racing, I jumped out of the cab first, hurrying over to James who stood up, his duffle bag
kicked at his feet. Large dark circles plagued his eyes, his face was drawn and pale, the corners of his
mouth tight with pain and anger.
Just tell me one thing. Did you encourage her to leave me?
Taken aback by all the bristling anger directed at me, I shook my head numbly, taking a wary step
toward him. James, no.
He pointed his finger at me, his mouth twisted with bitterness. The two of you are so fucked up&
you had to have had a hand in this somewhere.
Hey. Braden stepped in front of me, calm but intimidating as he spoke to James, Back off.
Braden, it s okay. I gazed back at Ellie who was standing watching us wide-eyed. Eyes pleading
with her I gestured at Braden. You two go on ahead without me.
I don t think so. Braden shook his head, his eyes never straying from James.
Please.
Braden. Ellie tugged on his elbow. Come on. Let s give them some privacy.
Annoyance burning in his eyes, Braden grabbed my cell out of my hand and started playing with it.
Wha-
He reached for my hand and curled my fingers back around the phone. You ve got my number
now. Call if you need me. Okay?
I nodded dumbly. As Ellie dragged her brother away, I gazed down at the phone in my hand. Was
Braden looking out for me? Was he concerned? I glanced at him over my shoulder. I couldn t
remember the last time anyone had done something like that. It was just a little thing but&
Joss?
James impatient voice pulled me back around out of my musings. I sighed heavily, so exhausted,
but knowing I needed to deal with this. Come inside.
Once we were settled in the sitting room with coffee, I jumped right into it. I told Rhian I thought
she was making a mistake. I would never encourage her to leave you. You re the best thing that s ever
happened to her.
James shook his head, his dark eyes bleak. I m sorry, Joss. About earlier. I just& I feel like I
can t breathe. It doesn t seem real, you know.
Feeling hopeless, I leaned over to rub his shoulder in comfort. Maybe Rhian will change her
mind.
I thought she was over her bullshit, he continued like I hadn t spoken, It s all because of her
parents, you know that right?
Kind of. Not really. We don t talk about that stuff.
He eyed me with something akin to disbelief. You two are supposed to be best friends, but
sometimes I think you do each other more damage than good.
James-
Rhian s mum loved Rhian s dad. Her dad was an emotionally-stunted, alcoholic prick, but that
bitch loved him more than she loved Rhian. He beat the shit out of Rhian and her mum all the time.
And Rhian s mum kept going back to him. Eventually, he took off, filed for divorce, met someone
else. Rhian s mum blamed her. Said she was a fuck-up and that she d end up just like her dad. For
years she s told Rhian she was just like her dad, a disaster waiting to happen. And Rhian believes it.
You know her mum attempted suicide twice? Selfish cow left Rhian to find her like that. Twice.
And now Rhian thinks she s going to do to me what her dad did to her mum. I can t rationalize with
her. She doesn t even bloody drink. It s all in her head! And I thought we were passed it, Joss. When
things got serious ages ago we went through all this and thought we d beat it. That s why I proposed.
He ducked his head in an effort to hide the tears shining in his eyes. I can t believe this is actually
happening. He kicked the coffee table in frustration and I barely even blinked.
My mind was off with Rhian. How could I have been her best friend for four years and not know
any of this? This was way more messed up than I could have guessed. Of course, Rhian didn t know
anything about my past either. I suddenly wondered if James was right. How could we possibly give
each other advice when we didn t know the first thing about each other s demons?
Then it occurred to me, looking at James, crying over the woman he loved, that Rhian was far less
messed up than I was. She had told James everything because she d trusted him with her issues, and
she d dealt through them with him. Or she almost had.
Still, that was a huge step in the right direction.
Joss, James was pleading with me now, Talk to her, please. She listens to you. She thinks if
you re happy being alone, then she ll be fine too.
Happy? I wasn t happy. I was just safe.
I sighed heavily, not sure what to do. Look, you can crash here for however long you need.
James looked at me a moment too long, his expression unreadable. Finally he just nodded. I d
appreciate it if I could crash on your couch tonight. Tomorrow, I m heading home to mum s. Until I
can get sorted out.
Okay.
We didn t say anything else after that as I found a blanket in the closet and left it on the couch, along
with one of my pillows. I could feel James disappointment in me every time I stepped near him, so I
left him in the sitting room and closed myself in my room.
I called Ellie.
Hey, are you alright? she asked, the sound of music and noise in the background fading, as she
wandered through whatever bar she was in and out into a marginally quieter street.
No. I m not fine. I m pretty far from fine. Yeah, I m okay. I hope you don t mind, but I told James
that he could crash on the couch for the night. He s heading home tomorrow.
Sure th- what? her mouth pulled away from her phone as she spoke to someone else. She s fine.
He s sleeping on the couch.
Was that Braden? [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]